well into my 13th year

I enjoyed changing how I felt and I liked feeling good. To get back to the statement at the top of the paragraph, the effects that my alcoholism were taking me down slowly, quietly and subtly. Like a thief in the night that came back over and over again, but only taking little things so you don’t notice until everything is almost completely gone. Hence, you don’t realize you have a problem until you do. Until it’s almost too late. In many cases, for some, it is too late.

Matthew HewittSeptember 20, 2019sobriety, life, my story, journey, triumph, struggle, what it was like, what happened, what it's like now

summer daze

I don’t know if you’re like this? But what inevitably happens with me is that I start something for fun and then I see that it could potentially lead to something more…life changing even. Then I start to get overwhelmed by the pressure I place on myself to make it perfect and totally forget that I started it(whatever project) for fun and as an additional creative outlet. So on and so on until it just becomes another thing. Does that ever happen to you? I can’t believe that I’m the only one that does that. In any case, being able to take a step back and enjoy the summer has been wonderful.

Matthew HewittAugust 15, 2019life, summer, perspective, creative, content, chef life, dad, vacation, blogComment

Another Trip Around the Sun

For as many successes it felt like 2018 had, it almost feels like the mistakes, failures and setbacks were more. Or perhaps it's just the perception that I have that made those "learning experiences," more overwhelming. Perhaps the perceived and/or realized hurt from my failures is greater than the sum of good feeling I received from the successes.

UncategorizedMatthew HewittJanuary 2, 2019aging, birthday, change, father, growth, husband, journey, life, mind, narratives, reflection, stories, sun Comments

Reflections

In one direction I see the spark in the eye of youth. That fire and light of limitless possibility, the cheer that comes from discovery. Or the inquisitive nature of being and ultimately unique point of view that kids have... One us grown ups often lose.

UncategorizedMatthew HewittDecember 12, 2018acceptance, beliefs, father, growth, journey, life, reflection, son, spirituality, storiesComment

RE-WRITING STORIES

When I reflect on my life I see that it's filled with the usual, or not so usual, ups and downs that one would imagine or associate with life. However, when I start to really examine my life it seems that there have been a few stories that I have been telling myself, told and/or believed about myself.

UncategorizedMatthew HewittNovember 28, 2018acceptance, beliefs, change, god, growth, life, narratives, spirituality, stories, storytellingComment

I Am Enough, Right?

Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. If it is, then it sure has a strange way of conveying the message. Why do I dream of being something that I'm not, nor will ever be? Is it that I feel that inadequate as a father, husband and man that my subconscious gives me what I think I need? Or is it trying to tell me to stop being dissatisfied with who I am?

I Mo', Bro

A lot of time we come to a pivot point in life where we can continue to stand on the sideline and let shit just happen to us, or we say to ourselves "enough of this shit, I have to do something." That happened for me a few years ago. I don't know what clicked inside of me, but something did and I decided to get involved.

UncategorizedMatthew HewittOctober 25, 2018acceptance, dad, fear, friend, husband, life, live, man, men, men's health, mental health, movember, shame, struggle, suicide, therapy, you are not aloneComment

Ego Is Not Your Amigo!

Now having said that, I will say that I wasn't such a douche bag that I treated everyone like that. But I did, in fact, use the persona of the chef to manipulate at times to get what I wanted or to steam roll over you to prove that I was the alpha. What a bunch of shit!

UncategorizedMatthew HewittOctober 21, 2018acceptance, chef, chefs, ego, fear, foodie, life, mental health, struggle, therapy, you are not aloneComment

A Chef's Journey-Part 1

What happened next was something out of a bad restaurant comedy, or Kitchen Confidential. He proceeded to open up the box of cigarettes and pulled out a massive doobie and said "No, you smokey smokey?" Does a bear wear a funny hat? Does the pope shit in the woods? Hell fucking yes, I smokey smokey!

UncategorizedMatthew HewittOctober 17, 2018Belmont Shore, busboy, chef life, chefs, cuisine, delivery driver, food industry, foodie, ganja, italian food, life, Long Beach, pizza, restaurant, weedComment

Flawed, Man

The want and desire to fit in, be liked and approval seeking could be, for me, what has led to the most difficult times in life. I became a chameleon able to play almost any role that I needed to. That came at a cost.